burning bridges

being stuck at home for more than 7 days made me kinda raunchy.



and even now i haven't watched much tv.



im looking at my cold pancakes and i think it is starting to speak to me.



what's the name of the feeling you get when you've gone past your infatuation with someone and when you look at them you think: 'is this it?' cuz' i look at the person from every angle - and i don't feel for any feature on that face and i don't wish to be around the person with the hands that were never held open for mine. you don't like it. i don't like it. but i'm still gonna' do it. i'm gonna burn bridges and i am going to ask you to let me go. you cannot be the one for me because i choose not to be the one for you. i need this. please understand that i need this. i cannot stop my fingers from typing... it wants to get away from you. it feels good to diss you because that's what i get from you.



home-run.



home-run.



home-bound.



home-free.



i'm on the hunt for something that will keep me satisfied.



i've got my shows.



i've got my game.



i'm gonna' start making my life worthwhile for me again.

Entry Me

Friday, 17 July, 2009
12:49PM

I don’t know why and I don’t know how. There is pile of work for me to start on, a dictionary to study, a scriptwriting competition to prepare for, a meal to be bought, hair to be tied up, nails to be cut, a heart that needs mending, lights to be turned on, walls to be repainted, books to be stacked, books that has to be read, a presentation to do up and a compilation of memories to bury. My heart feels heavy and my eyes are squinting… I scrutinising the dots. My fingers are shaking as I type on. My eyes feel as if it’s turning red. I try to find meaning in what I am doing. All the time. My mother is at work… I can see her chatting at her desk. My grandmother is at home, resting on her lavender coloured couch. Yanti is in the kitchen, her face scowling slightly at the sight of fish and oil. I hear some birds outside the grilled windows. The room looks a little more orange today. I felt so weak that I couldn't get out of bed this morning so I had to skip school. I couldn't hear anything else except the deep irregular pounding beats on my chest. I couldn't think of music, laughter or the morning sun. I want to know what I’m feeling but I cannot describe the tangle of faithless dawn or bitter chocolate. I remember a quote from a book… why dawn is called mourning. Can you hear the sound of the cathedral tune? My back hurts from bending over the low dining table – my working table. I am online because I need to be somewhere but I am not there. I hope they can see me like this. My thoughts will wander and it will come back to a single person. But I don’t have that person anymore so I have to forgo what I had given. I cannot wait for this time to pass over. I have my priorities now. I cannot lay back and watch the world move. I have to move with them.
Because there is something I want to take back from the world.

Love,
Juanita T.K

kissmyarse

Is it really a necessity to wear heels and grow out your hair? Sometimes a girl learns to give up the hassle of braiding her locks or the embarrassing balancing act when she's got her 3-inch killer 'feets' on. Is that what makes 'em more attractive to you? Her sex appeal might hit sky rocket but don't you think its wearing her down? Her body is (like yours) a temple of God; a symbol of his almighty creation. She puts on her tight red dress and uses derogatory terms on herself and to her fellow women... so she is sexy?

If I take away her helmet hair, her painted face, her plastic nails, her rouge, her liner, her stilettos, her piercings and her powder...

Do you still want her?

livin' the dream

heyy guys! ;)

Let the hol's BEGIN!!! It's ruddy ridiculous... starting sch in april and taking a break in june. Don'tcha think? I should be grateful and all but... this ain't my style. Where is the omniscent figure??? Thy most reliable judge.... Tsk tsk... tsk.

I feel... the feelings you 'feel' when you are waiting for someone. When you miss someone. Sometimes you ponder 'bout what they are doing.... what they are thinking.... who they are seeing... how are they getting by... are their eggs done the way they like it to be... sunny side-up or hard-boiled... (okok... you want me to stop. I get it.)

Laughing is so effin' addictive.

Gimme' a hint... a sign that might lead me to that happiness that I so long for. Please take me there. I'm easy to take care of. A warm cloth and some ice-cream is all it takes. I can fit in your backpack if it starts to rain. Let me get on the ride with you. I wanna follow you 'till the day you decide you don't want me no more. Your bruises will be bandaged... your back will be scratched... your white hair will be plucked... your tense shoulders will be rubbed... your hands will always feel warm.

I can do it.

A series of deep sighs.

Its like... I duno why I bother posting when the space is bloody barren.... (baron... ya know that character from... awww hush! you bloody arseee... you didn't get the joke!)

& my ma's screaming at me to get my teeth brushed before sleep...

Don't leave me kays?

how is this going to help me?

oh hell, this is insane.

i'm in here cuz' i needed to talk to somebody???

what is this... blog-therapy?

bullshit.

i'm bloody pissed off.

at what?

I DUNO!

arrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!


There is a fine line between love & hate.

you cradle me

two months to go...

17.

I want to tell you... how i Feel.

safe in a crazy world

juanita: sleep or work?
no more meds PUH-LEASE


this is what my house looks like when its dark...
its true what they say, cancer's adore dark dungeons...
then again i can't tell how much of it is reflected on me since im a july cancer... if i was born any later i'd be a full-blown leo

LEO WOMAN

i've got a whole lotta' things on my mind... typical...

had a pretty good weekend and monday (i'm on mc btw)

went to the beach in the morning with dadp... felt that i could have stayed on... maybe. im so beat i can't even type in full sentences. i forgot to capitalise my words..... i duno if i'm just plain lazy or it i actually enjoy typing without clicking the shift key ever so often.

had a talk with li min at macs that afternoon... it seems that we are not so different. she feels this way... i feel that way... she knows i feel that way & i know why she feels this way... its a never ending cycle of figuring out what goes on in our heads... you'll discover that its quite one-tracked in a way... we are not sanguine people.

you keep me flying

you keep me smiling

you keep me safe in a crazy world

friendship is amazing

Have you ever said something and regret immediately after? That happened to me all week... I duno if that's a feeble attempt to try to get closer to someone of if its just me seeking attention... I get this crazy notion that if I actually share a bit of my feelings with somebody else, they'd get taste a bit of my life as well. (see what i mean when i say i can be selfish??)

Thing is... now that you know... why don't you laugh?

Why don't you take this opportunity to stand tall and proud with your fingers pointing accusingly at my direction.... jeering.

You don't mind me displaying a portion of my vulnerable spirit?

And you look upon me with that amazing smile of yours to say... It's ok. Everything will turn out fine.

You hold me tight.

Baby, you love me that much?

the wrong mix

introducing... the lovely candy mix!

is there really such a thing as a right or wrong mix?

candy says that swirls and all... M&M's and all... chocolate dips and all... makes you all the more special.

Hey there, little man of mine

One day you'll grow up

And when you do (when you do)

you're gonna safe the world (safe the world)

And when you do (and when you do)

I'm not gonna' be there to stop you

well, maybe i can be there to watch you.

lifestyle of the rich and beautiful

You know what? I don't even have the guts to write about it!

For my whole life... I've been chasing dreams. For a long time, I thought I was formidable. There was nothing I couldn't do, nothing i couldn't learn. I am (was) very idealistic and hopelessly in love with passion. I would do anything to get what I wanted.

It is not fair, really. To have my childhood robbed from me... I was so
very young. And so very weak...

Why... why do I still believe!?

Fuck it all! I'm only human...