Been playing sims the whole dayy... went back to school for 'bout an hour... doing useless stuff (like taking a 45 minute mrt train ride to school just to hand in a piece of paper... N' IT AIN'T AN ASSIGNMENT!!!)
How productive.
Sigh... I've been thinking (anything else new?).
I kinda lost my sense of direction... it's effin' obvious to some of my friends... (i think). Well, its apparent to me that I forgot what I wanna' do... with my life. I was/am a little greedy piggie... I want everything. (just... everything I wanted as a kiddie). I did think of writing a book someday... but I wanted to do something that's soo personal. Why? To make up for all the times I dis-engaged myself from all the people of the world... (EVERY BOY EVERY GIRL!) crap... shit. I have snippets of my crappy junk.... (hey! it's only ok if i say it! PUNKKK!!!) somewhere in here... in my pc... in my black notebook... in my head. Inside my lovely lovely head. I don't plan to pursue anything that has gotta' do with music... or... mainstream music. I don't want to make music... It's not my place :) (IT'S YOUR TIME TO SHINE... SWEETHEARTS!!! <3) I wanna' enjoy music all my life... that will make me all fuzzy on the inside... I tried looking for a job as a voice actress before... but all I got was... jobs that gotta' do with animation voicing... not that i mind... but it didn't last (the company and me). I wanted out. Or at least I thought I did. I'm gonna' continue school... study... attend my music lessons... dream... and replay Michael Learns to Rock 'till I drop dead. Maybe I'll give acting another go... unlikely my friend. I shouldn't want to go down that road again. It's too... (Li Min says that I'm one of the unlucky ones... I thought I was just... not there yet.)
I will be someday.
My luck is just gonna' have to kiss my ass ;)
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Friday, September 4, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
mako pako
taken from blueantstudioi missed the first two lessons of the day... i'm at home.
running around with pizza in my hand and a script to get in my head.
i thought.
i thought.
if i can change my room furniture... i can do just 'bout anything!
P.S: CHECK OUT MY GUEST BOOK!!
check out... means: pweaseee signnnn ;)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Entry Me
Friday, 17 July, 2009
12:49PM
I don’t know why and I don’t know how. There is pile of work for me to start on, a dictionary to study, a scriptwriting competition to prepare for, a meal to be bought, hair to be tied up, nails to be cut, a heart that needs mending, lights to be turned on, walls to be repainted, books to be stacked, books that has to be read, a presentation to do up and a compilation of memories to bury. My heart feels heavy and my eyes are squinting… I scrutinising the dots. My fingers are shaking as I type on. My eyes feel as if it’s turning red. I try to find meaning in what I am doing. All the time. My mother is at work… I can see her chatting at her desk. My grandmother is at home, resting on her lavender coloured couch. Yanti is in the kitchen, her face scowling slightly at the sight of fish and oil. I hear some birds outside the grilled windows. The room looks a little more orange today. I felt so weak that I couldn't get out of bed this morning so I had to skip school. I couldn't hear anything else except the deep irregular pounding beats on my chest. I couldn't think of music, laughter or the morning sun. I want to know what I’m feeling but I cannot describe the tangle of faithless dawn or bitter chocolate. I remember a quote from a book… why dawn is called mourning. Can you hear the sound of the cathedral tune? My back hurts from bending over the low dining table – my working table. I am online because I need to be somewhere but I am not there. I hope they can see me like this. My thoughts will wander and it will come back to a single person. But I don’t have that person anymore so I have to forgo what I had given. I cannot wait for this time to pass over. I have my priorities now. I cannot lay back and watch the world move. I have to move with them.
Because there is something I want to take back from the world.
Love,
Juanita T.K
12:49PM
I don’t know why and I don’t know how. There is pile of work for me to start on, a dictionary to study, a scriptwriting competition to prepare for, a meal to be bought, hair to be tied up, nails to be cut, a heart that needs mending, lights to be turned on, walls to be repainted, books to be stacked, books that has to be read, a presentation to do up and a compilation of memories to bury. My heart feels heavy and my eyes are squinting… I scrutinising the dots. My fingers are shaking as I type on. My eyes feel as if it’s turning red. I try to find meaning in what I am doing. All the time. My mother is at work… I can see her chatting at her desk. My grandmother is at home, resting on her lavender coloured couch. Yanti is in the kitchen, her face scowling slightly at the sight of fish and oil. I hear some birds outside the grilled windows. The room looks a little more orange today. I felt so weak that I couldn't get out of bed this morning so I had to skip school. I couldn't hear anything else except the deep irregular pounding beats on my chest. I couldn't think of music, laughter or the morning sun. I want to know what I’m feeling but I cannot describe the tangle of faithless dawn or bitter chocolate. I remember a quote from a book… why dawn is called mourning. Can you hear the sound of the cathedral tune? My back hurts from bending over the low dining table – my working table. I am online because I need to be somewhere but I am not there. I hope they can see me like this. My thoughts will wander and it will come back to a single person. But I don’t have that person anymore so I have to forgo what I had given. I cannot wait for this time to pass over. I have my priorities now. I cannot lay back and watch the world move. I have to move with them.
Because there is something I want to take back from the world.
Love,
Juanita T.K
Saturday, June 13, 2009
winging it
so... i have more responsibilities now...
and i gotta go now...
(not that i can't be here or anything...)
need to re-evaluate.. there's an assignment to do... and edit... and to re-do later... mass research to be done... updatesss... a truckload of 'em...
sigh... you bring me so much joy my pet.
>>>stares at ice-cream soda...no... b n' j's cake batter + old coke (it's less bubbly)
Monday, June 8, 2009
My Wishlist
20. Take a perfect picture
19. Get a personal online space (not a blog or livejournal)
18. Get the right middle length hair cut
17. Put on 8-10 kg of weight
16. Furnish a small house for two
15. Own a scrapbook filled with pictures of my family and friends with personal recounts, signatures and drawings
14. List down 5 positive qualities of myself without any hesitation or doubt
13. Start a collection of headphones and jazz/blues/classical/oldies music
12. Start a conversation with a stranger and remain life-long friends with him/her
11. Bake an irresistible apple pie
10. Pray Daily
9. Be famous for a day
8. Design a wedding dress
7. Sketch a portrait of my mother and grandmother
6. Compose a few short songs
5. Direct a 3 hour play
4. Fall in love
3. Complete my book of poems
2. Write a novella
1. Form a theatre troupe and travel round the world whilst giving free performances
Then my life will be complete.
Created on Friday, 17th April ‘o9
5: 08 PM
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
atthebeginning
you see... i once heard of a little something called fate.
you see... i don't believe it.
why?
because i believe we can change our own destiny. (taken the corny line out from some corny movie)
you see... i'd like to rephrase the words to make it sound more... refined & less musty.
To be blatantly and brutally honest, i'm in a fix... the in-the-deep-and-dark-pit-that-never-but-hopefully-has-a-bottom kind of dilemma. It's ferally real. Too damn real.
you see... The love of my life (YES, I KNOW I'M NOT DATING ANYONE!) had been admitted into ttsh on friday the 13th. Yes, I repeat... friday the 13th. I never thought any fridays or 13th's were intimidating but now... I have to take back everything I said. If I had been blogging about this a week ago or so, I'd be in an even fouler mood. To be very precise, I was and am still very down and taken aback about the incident... My grandmother did not deserve to have her right arm and leg taken away from her. What I mean by 'taken' is that she had a sudden attack of stroke (first-time) that nearly destroyed the people around her. Especially those who love her the most. I'm proud to say that its not possible that somebody else near home loves her as much as I do. Not to say that everybody else loves her less... It's just... I know that I love her more. She's kinda... my cornerstone ya know? Without her solid foundation and her loving grandmotherly strength... where would I be? Some might say it ain't fair... but darn right it is fair! I don't care if I don't have my daddy's care... as long as I can keep hers for life.
My mum and dad are going to a touch phase... that begun 25 years ago and it is still unresolved as I type... What they lost cannot be recovered back again. I can only pray that time will teach 'em to forgive each other. I won't be seeing much of my dad anymore from now on.
They say that we can cross our enemy but we can never cross our friends. They have the power to hurt you more so then you think. It's a real loss... that I have to take. You might turn out distrustful or become a greater cynic. (both really)
Move on sweet-cheeks. Move on.
you see... i don't believe it.
why?
because i believe we can change our own destiny. (taken the corny line out from some corny movie)
you see... i'd like to rephrase the words to make it sound more... refined & less musty.
To be blatantly and brutally honest, i'm in a fix... the in-the-deep-and-dark-pit-that-never-but-hopefully-has-a-bottom kind of dilemma. It's ferally real. Too damn real.
you see... The love of my life (YES, I KNOW I'M NOT DATING ANYONE!) had been admitted into ttsh on friday the 13th. Yes, I repeat... friday the 13th. I never thought any fridays or 13th's were intimidating but now... I have to take back everything I said. If I had been blogging about this a week ago or so, I'd be in an even fouler mood. To be very precise, I was and am still very down and taken aback about the incident... My grandmother did not deserve to have her right arm and leg taken away from her. What I mean by 'taken' is that she had a sudden attack of stroke (first-time) that nearly destroyed the people around her. Especially those who love her the most. I'm proud to say that its not possible that somebody else near home loves her as much as I do. Not to say that everybody else loves her less... It's just... I know that I love her more. She's kinda... my cornerstone ya know? Without her solid foundation and her loving grandmotherly strength... where would I be? Some might say it ain't fair... but darn right it is fair! I don't care if I don't have my daddy's care... as long as I can keep hers for life.
My mum and dad are going to a touch phase... that begun 25 years ago and it is still unresolved as I type... What they lost cannot be recovered back again. I can only pray that time will teach 'em to forgive each other. I won't be seeing much of my dad anymore from now on.
They say that we can cross our enemy but we can never cross our friends. They have the power to hurt you more so then you think. It's a real loss... that I have to take. You might turn out distrustful or become a greater cynic. (both really)
Move on sweet-cheeks. Move on.
Monday, March 2, 2009
believe it or not... there is a whole new world out there
Hello world!
Stayed over my gram's place for a night a few days before... I could feel the nostalgia. I pretty much grew up there... Plenty of pleasant (and unpleasant) childhood memories... nostalgia i tell ya'... NOSTALGIA!
darling grandma's place
haha... I come to this junction twice every week. I go to the Ballet and Music Company for private music lessons. Gotta' make good use of my free time now... dun' want to be too useless. Not that I mind, it's worth every penny and journey I took! Trust me, they have the loveliest music teachers there. You can call 'em... unforgettable.
Stayed over my gram's place for a night a few days before... I could feel the nostalgia. I pretty much grew up there... Plenty of pleasant (and unpleasant) childhood memories... nostalgia i tell ya'... NOSTALGIA!
darling grandma's placehaha... I come to this junction twice every week. I go to the Ballet and Music Company for private music lessons. Gotta' make good use of my free time now... dun' want to be too useless. Not that I mind, it's worth every penny and journey I took! Trust me, they have the loveliest music teachers there. You can call 'em... unforgettable.
junction next to KM
sigh... i'm seriously re-thinking the idea of putting up vid's on youtube. Who knows who'll be watching you?
I'm gonna ROCK sp!!!
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