Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
The Sims Life
Been playing sims the whole dayy... went back to school for 'bout an hour... doing useless stuff (like taking a 45 minute mrt train ride to school just to hand in a piece of paper... N' IT AIN'T AN ASSIGNMENT!!!)
How productive.
Sigh... I've been thinking (anything else new?).
I kinda lost my sense of direction... it's effin' obvious to some of my friends... (i think). Well, its apparent to me that I forgot what I wanna' do... with my life. I was/am a little greedy piggie... I want everything. (just... everything I wanted as a kiddie). I did think of writing a book someday... but I wanted to do something that's soo personal. Why? To make up for all the times I dis-engaged myself from all the people of the world... (EVERY BOY EVERY GIRL!) crap... shit. I have snippets of my crappy junk.... (hey! it's only ok if i say it! PUNKKK!!!) somewhere in here... in my pc... in my black notebook... in my head. Inside my lovely lovely head. I don't plan to pursue anything that has gotta' do with music... or... mainstream music. I don't want to make music... It's not my place :) (IT'S YOUR TIME TO SHINE... SWEETHEARTS!!! <3) I wanna' enjoy music all my life... that will make me all fuzzy on the inside... I tried looking for a job as a voice actress before... but all I got was... jobs that gotta' do with animation voicing... not that i mind... but it didn't last (the company and me). I wanted out. Or at least I thought I did. I'm gonna' continue school... study... attend my music lessons... dream... and replay Michael Learns to Rock 'till I drop dead. Maybe I'll give acting another go... unlikely my friend. I shouldn't want to go down that road again. It's too... (Li Min says that I'm one of the unlucky ones... I thought I was just... not there yet.)
I will be someday.
My luck is just gonna' have to kiss my ass ;)
How productive.
Sigh... I've been thinking (anything else new?).
I kinda lost my sense of direction... it's effin' obvious to some of my friends... (i think). Well, its apparent to me that I forgot what I wanna' do... with my life. I was/am a little greedy piggie... I want everything. (just... everything I wanted as a kiddie). I did think of writing a book someday... but I wanted to do something that's soo personal. Why? To make up for all the times I dis-engaged myself from all the people of the world... (EVERY BOY EVERY GIRL!) crap... shit. I have snippets of my crappy junk.... (hey! it's only ok if i say it! PUNKKK!!!) somewhere in here... in my pc... in my black notebook... in my head. Inside my lovely lovely head. I don't plan to pursue anything that has gotta' do with music... or... mainstream music. I don't want to make music... It's not my place :) (IT'S YOUR TIME TO SHINE... SWEETHEARTS!!! <3) I wanna' enjoy music all my life... that will make me all fuzzy on the inside... I tried looking for a job as a voice actress before... but all I got was... jobs that gotta' do with animation voicing... not that i mind... but it didn't last (the company and me). I wanted out. Or at least I thought I did. I'm gonna' continue school... study... attend my music lessons... dream... and replay Michael Learns to Rock 'till I drop dead. Maybe I'll give acting another go... unlikely my friend. I shouldn't want to go down that road again. It's too... (Li Min says that I'm one of the unlucky ones... I thought I was just... not there yet.)
I will be someday.
My luck is just gonna' have to kiss my ass ;)
Sunday, August 9, 2009
BILLY Bookcases
I'd be perfectly happy living my life next to second-hand dictionaries and hand me down books.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
To You, from me
To Fiona:
I just read the latest blog entries of my dear friend Fiona and I want her to know that I hear her. And that I can see her. I miss her very much and I want her to know that I will always think of her when I'm out with my school mates, when I'm home alone, when I forget how to turn on the gas to make maggie noodles, when I meet new people and when I am simply on a long ride to anywhere and everywhere. I want her to know that I can feel her presence... it seems that we were never apart to begin with. Although she cannot see the great impact she has on the people who knows her and/or the people who will eventually meet her in the later part of her most treasured life. She will empathize with you, stay with you, listen to you, care for you and she will even bleed for you. Her hands are her heart and soul; they are her prized instruments. Her heart is filled with sorrow and wisdom enough to create a whole new place where your unrequited love is returned, where your heart will find peace, where your body is rested and where your imagined dreams liberate the field. A place where her words become alive. She is one who will not think much of herself... but that makes her person more deep and passionate than anyone else who thinks otherwise. I love her for what she is worth, for she is worth every dime you have, every grace you willingly give and every noble cause you partake in. Her heart can only see so much... so much that there are no limits to her kindness.
To Jasmin:
Thank you for talking me over the phone when I was in starbucks sipping my caramel freppe with all those who are 'well-off' next to me. Please understand that I want you to be there when I'm at my happiest - when i'm with you, Fio and my family my kazuku... my beautiful bunch of screw-ups and hot shot's... you are the real deal. real people of this world. I am afraid to say goodbye to you when I see you in church, in school and when I'm out with you. Confiding in you has been soo enduring for you are one heck of a listener. It's obvious that you love us. Know that I can never get an equation right if you're not around. Know that I will miss you everytime I see a girl who resembles you - your long dark hair and slim limbs... I know for sure that you will always look like a million dollars and that they can never be you. Out of all of us... you have it best. You will be fortunate for life cuz' I will fight for you, your sanctuary and your joy. Thank goodness that I see you once a week or I will probably lose my sanity. You are meant for great things and you have a great prospect. Great is too mild a word... but if I can describe you with one word I'd use: Blessed. I'm glad that you have the strength to take us all as your close loved babies... because we need a person who is calm and concerned... in contrast to the likes of us - fragile pieces. You are capable, trustworthy, reliable and a wonderful friend. You can do whatever you set your mind to and nobody has a doubt 'bout that.
I just read the latest blog entries of my dear friend Fiona and I want her to know that I hear her. And that I can see her. I miss her very much and I want her to know that I will always think of her when I'm out with my school mates, when I'm home alone, when I forget how to turn on the gas to make maggie noodles, when I meet new people and when I am simply on a long ride to anywhere and everywhere. I want her to know that I can feel her presence... it seems that we were never apart to begin with. Although she cannot see the great impact she has on the people who knows her and/or the people who will eventually meet her in the later part of her most treasured life. She will empathize with you, stay with you, listen to you, care for you and she will even bleed for you. Her hands are her heart and soul; they are her prized instruments. Her heart is filled with sorrow and wisdom enough to create a whole new place where your unrequited love is returned, where your heart will find peace, where your body is rested and where your imagined dreams liberate the field. A place where her words become alive. She is one who will not think much of herself... but that makes her person more deep and passionate than anyone else who thinks otherwise. I love her for what she is worth, for she is worth every dime you have, every grace you willingly give and every noble cause you partake in. Her heart can only see so much... so much that there are no limits to her kindness.
To Jasmin:
Thank you for talking me over the phone when I was in starbucks sipping my caramel freppe with all those who are 'well-off' next to me. Please understand that I want you to be there when I'm at my happiest - when i'm with you, Fio and my family my kazuku... my beautiful bunch of screw-ups and hot shot's... you are the real deal. real people of this world. I am afraid to say goodbye to you when I see you in church, in school and when I'm out with you. Confiding in you has been soo enduring for you are one heck of a listener. It's obvious that you love us. Know that I can never get an equation right if you're not around. Know that I will miss you everytime I see a girl who resembles you - your long dark hair and slim limbs... I know for sure that you will always look like a million dollars and that they can never be you. Out of all of us... you have it best. You will be fortunate for life cuz' I will fight for you, your sanctuary and your joy. Thank goodness that I see you once a week or I will probably lose my sanity. You are meant for great things and you have a great prospect. Great is too mild a word... but if I can describe you with one word I'd use: Blessed. I'm glad that you have the strength to take us all as your close loved babies... because we need a person who is calm and concerned... in contrast to the likes of us - fragile pieces. You are capable, trustworthy, reliable and a wonderful friend. You can do whatever you set your mind to and nobody has a doubt 'bout that.
Entry Me
Friday, 17 July, 2009
12:49PM
I don’t know why and I don’t know how. There is pile of work for me to start on, a dictionary to study, a scriptwriting competition to prepare for, a meal to be bought, hair to be tied up, nails to be cut, a heart that needs mending, lights to be turned on, walls to be repainted, books to be stacked, books that has to be read, a presentation to do up and a compilation of memories to bury. My heart feels heavy and my eyes are squinting… I scrutinising the dots. My fingers are shaking as I type on. My eyes feel as if it’s turning red. I try to find meaning in what I am doing. All the time. My mother is at work… I can see her chatting at her desk. My grandmother is at home, resting on her lavender coloured couch. Yanti is in the kitchen, her face scowling slightly at the sight of fish and oil. I hear some birds outside the grilled windows. The room looks a little more orange today. I felt so weak that I couldn't get out of bed this morning so I had to skip school. I couldn't hear anything else except the deep irregular pounding beats on my chest. I couldn't think of music, laughter or the morning sun. I want to know what I’m feeling but I cannot describe the tangle of faithless dawn or bitter chocolate. I remember a quote from a book… why dawn is called mourning. Can you hear the sound of the cathedral tune? My back hurts from bending over the low dining table – my working table. I am online because I need to be somewhere but I am not there. I hope they can see me like this. My thoughts will wander and it will come back to a single person. But I don’t have that person anymore so I have to forgo what I had given. I cannot wait for this time to pass over. I have my priorities now. I cannot lay back and watch the world move. I have to move with them.
Because there is something I want to take back from the world.
Love,
Juanita T.K
12:49PM
I don’t know why and I don’t know how. There is pile of work for me to start on, a dictionary to study, a scriptwriting competition to prepare for, a meal to be bought, hair to be tied up, nails to be cut, a heart that needs mending, lights to be turned on, walls to be repainted, books to be stacked, books that has to be read, a presentation to do up and a compilation of memories to bury. My heart feels heavy and my eyes are squinting… I scrutinising the dots. My fingers are shaking as I type on. My eyes feel as if it’s turning red. I try to find meaning in what I am doing. All the time. My mother is at work… I can see her chatting at her desk. My grandmother is at home, resting on her lavender coloured couch. Yanti is in the kitchen, her face scowling slightly at the sight of fish and oil. I hear some birds outside the grilled windows. The room looks a little more orange today. I felt so weak that I couldn't get out of bed this morning so I had to skip school. I couldn't hear anything else except the deep irregular pounding beats on my chest. I couldn't think of music, laughter or the morning sun. I want to know what I’m feeling but I cannot describe the tangle of faithless dawn or bitter chocolate. I remember a quote from a book… why dawn is called mourning. Can you hear the sound of the cathedral tune? My back hurts from bending over the low dining table – my working table. I am online because I need to be somewhere but I am not there. I hope they can see me like this. My thoughts will wander and it will come back to a single person. But I don’t have that person anymore so I have to forgo what I had given. I cannot wait for this time to pass over. I have my priorities now. I cannot lay back and watch the world move. I have to move with them.
Because there is something I want to take back from the world.
Love,
Juanita T.K
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
when everyone's asleep
dear juanita comes out to play...
nicely.
i look like a new yorker... that has just woken up from a 3 hour sleep with make-up on - smeared lips, smudged eyeliner - whose high on drugs. More like high on dust. There are food crumbs below the beds, hair strands that belong to an unknown entity and the blanket smells like feet! Or vomit... what Joey said. This place is crawling with ants! They didn't make it to the unused stack of cup noodles.
Tough luck.
we spent most of our time in the chalet... no escape... no www... (i'm talkin' bout the wild wild wet dog!) i watched a gay movie... made coke float... woke up early to get breakfast for the dudettes... walked in and out of the washroom relentlessly... spent at least 5 minutes staring at my reflection from the mirror... found out more about my friends and myself - via funny chats and online personality quizzes that popped out in little boxes from my laptop screen... checked the time in every few hours only to suspect that someone has been messing with the clock... that's gotta' be it. Time can't pass so fast.
miss Gayane says that she doesn't meet many girls who read literature or Shakespeare.
I'll do anything for you ma'm.
nicely.
i look like a new yorker... that has just woken up from a 3 hour sleep with make-up on - smeared lips, smudged eyeliner - whose high on drugs. More like high on dust. There are food crumbs below the beds, hair strands that belong to an unknown entity and the blanket smells like feet! Or vomit... what Joey said. This place is crawling with ants! They didn't make it to the unused stack of cup noodles.
Tough luck.
we spent most of our time in the chalet... no escape... no www... (i'm talkin' bout the wild wild wet dog!) i watched a gay movie... made coke float... woke up early to get breakfast for the dudettes... walked in and out of the washroom relentlessly... spent at least 5 minutes staring at my reflection from the mirror... found out more about my friends and myself - via funny chats and online personality quizzes that popped out in little boxes from my laptop screen... checked the time in every few hours only to suspect that someone has been messing with the clock... that's gotta' be it. Time can't pass so fast.
miss Gayane says that she doesn't meet many girls who read literature or Shakespeare.
I'll do anything for you ma'm.
Monday, May 18, 2009
safe in a crazy world
juanita: sleep or work?
no more meds PUH-LEASE
this is what my house looks like when its dark...
its true what they say, cancer's adore dark dungeons...
then again i can't tell how much of it is reflected on me since im a july cancer... if i was born any later i'd be a full-blown leo
LEO WOMAN
no more meds PUH-LEASE
this is what my house looks like when its dark...its true what they say, cancer's adore dark dungeons...
then again i can't tell how much of it is reflected on me since im a july cancer... if i was born any later i'd be a full-blown leo
LEO WOMAN
i've got a whole lotta' things on my mind... typical...
had a pretty good weekend and monday (i'm on mc btw)
went to the beach in the morning with dadp... felt that i could have stayed on... maybe. im so beat i can't even type in full sentences. i forgot to capitalise my words..... i duno if i'm just plain lazy or it i actually enjoy typing without clicking the shift key ever so often.
had a talk with li min at macs that afternoon... it seems that we are not so different. she feels this way... i feel that way... she knows i feel that way & i know why she feels this way... its a never ending cycle of figuring out what goes on in our heads... you'll discover that its quite one-tracked in a way... we are not sanguine people.
you keep me flying
you keep me smiling
you keep me safe in a crazy world
Thursday, April 16, 2009
I AM IN SCHOOL...not
pics... pics... sorry i ain't got pics ;)
i ain't got no facebook nooo~
(one day later...)
O_O it seems that after i got my lappy i can't blog right on my home pc anymore. That sounds kinda crappy.
I took some random pictures after I got back home from a dinner-movie date with Hema, Fio, Jas, Janice and Joey. haha... What a movie... Oh dear... I can't seem to neaten up my hair.
My ma is worried that I might change when I enter poly. What 'changed' so far is that I can no longer study literature... I can still read the texts of course but it's not the same. My attitude towards strangers and my approach to 'em is ten times more open than before. It's a wonderful thought... knowing that it does not take too much to make new friends. I always thought that love was a one-way affair... The more I gave the less I got oh yeah...
It still applies sometimes hmm?
haha.
Friday, March 27, 2009
atthebeginning
you see... i once heard of a little something called fate.
you see... i don't believe it.
why?
because i believe we can change our own destiny. (taken the corny line out from some corny movie)
you see... i'd like to rephrase the words to make it sound more... refined & less musty.
To be blatantly and brutally honest, i'm in a fix... the in-the-deep-and-dark-pit-that-never-but-hopefully-has-a-bottom kind of dilemma. It's ferally real. Too damn real.
you see... The love of my life (YES, I KNOW I'M NOT DATING ANYONE!) had been admitted into ttsh on friday the 13th. Yes, I repeat... friday the 13th. I never thought any fridays or 13th's were intimidating but now... I have to take back everything I said. If I had been blogging about this a week ago or so, I'd be in an even fouler mood. To be very precise, I was and am still very down and taken aback about the incident... My grandmother did not deserve to have her right arm and leg taken away from her. What I mean by 'taken' is that she had a sudden attack of stroke (first-time) that nearly destroyed the people around her. Especially those who love her the most. I'm proud to say that its not possible that somebody else near home loves her as much as I do. Not to say that everybody else loves her less... It's just... I know that I love her more. She's kinda... my cornerstone ya know? Without her solid foundation and her loving grandmotherly strength... where would I be? Some might say it ain't fair... but darn right it is fair! I don't care if I don't have my daddy's care... as long as I can keep hers for life.
My mum and dad are going to a touch phase... that begun 25 years ago and it is still unresolved as I type... What they lost cannot be recovered back again. I can only pray that time will teach 'em to forgive each other. I won't be seeing much of my dad anymore from now on.
They say that we can cross our enemy but we can never cross our friends. They have the power to hurt you more so then you think. It's a real loss... that I have to take. You might turn out distrustful or become a greater cynic. (both really)
Move on sweet-cheeks. Move on.
you see... i don't believe it.
why?
because i believe we can change our own destiny. (taken the corny line out from some corny movie)
you see... i'd like to rephrase the words to make it sound more... refined & less musty.
To be blatantly and brutally honest, i'm in a fix... the in-the-deep-and-dark-pit-that-never-but-hopefully-has-a-bottom kind of dilemma. It's ferally real. Too damn real.
you see... The love of my life (YES, I KNOW I'M NOT DATING ANYONE!) had been admitted into ttsh on friday the 13th. Yes, I repeat... friday the 13th. I never thought any fridays or 13th's were intimidating but now... I have to take back everything I said. If I had been blogging about this a week ago or so, I'd be in an even fouler mood. To be very precise, I was and am still very down and taken aback about the incident... My grandmother did not deserve to have her right arm and leg taken away from her. What I mean by 'taken' is that she had a sudden attack of stroke (first-time) that nearly destroyed the people around her. Especially those who love her the most. I'm proud to say that its not possible that somebody else near home loves her as much as I do. Not to say that everybody else loves her less... It's just... I know that I love her more. She's kinda... my cornerstone ya know? Without her solid foundation and her loving grandmotherly strength... where would I be? Some might say it ain't fair... but darn right it is fair! I don't care if I don't have my daddy's care... as long as I can keep hers for life.
My mum and dad are going to a touch phase... that begun 25 years ago and it is still unresolved as I type... What they lost cannot be recovered back again. I can only pray that time will teach 'em to forgive each other. I won't be seeing much of my dad anymore from now on.
They say that we can cross our enemy but we can never cross our friends. They have the power to hurt you more so then you think. It's a real loss... that I have to take. You might turn out distrustful or become a greater cynic. (both really)
Move on sweet-cheeks. Move on.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Late Morning
I never thought that friendship was just another word.
At times, when I check out the other blogs of strangers... I can't help but feel a little... Have you seen pictures of unbelievably photogenic people? They really know how to play up their strengths. People usually search for their blogs because they are stunningly good looking... Seriously though, who am I to know? There is more to people than what meets the eye... Nobody can disagree to that.
I would die to wake up to something like this every morning.
I'm thinking of setting up a youtube account... and maybe put up a few vids. haha... Then again, I'd have to wait sometime before I start making the vids. But first, I gotta learn to get up earlier than my parents.
Hope I won't change my mind after I've made a decision.
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